Like All Good Things

A friend asked me today 'Why am I so in love with this man?'. And it made me ask myself why and how to we fall in love with anybody? Is it that first rush of eyes meeting across the bar? Or the slow burn of a thousand little conversations conducted over email culminating in the great love affair of the ages? What is Love? And don't say 'Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more'. The truth of the matter is, love will always hurt no matter how simple or complex. It seems that no matter how circumstances change, crossing oceans, new boundaries and candid conversations, forgetting a person is the hardest task of all. Forgetting you loved/ like/ felt for them? Even harder.

And what comes next? Films always show us the happy endings: the girl throwing herself joyously into the man's arms, grasping at each others' faces. Or they show us the sad ones of heartbreak and loneliness but what about the interim? What about the subtleties in between? Where perhaps neither can forget their feelings and yet nothing can be done? Where do you go from there? Will time really tell? Or will those feelings fade - numb - gradually, imperceptibly each day until you finally, finally, forget? And what if I don't want to forget? What if I'm not ready to let it go? What then? What do I do in the interim? Unable to forget but unable to act. It's a kind of limbo I hate. Nothing can be done yet everything needswantscraves to be done.

When I was younger, I believed that love conquered all. That love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong that all we need is Love (and yes I am aware I am shamelessly quoting Moulin Rouge). These days I believe in a subtler, quieter kind of love that burns clean and deep in your chest, present but non-obtrusive: simply part of who you are. I believe love can be quietly possessive, allowing you each to be your own people, live your own life, follow your own dreams but that also draws you back together on occasion. Love is the happiness in knowing that someone feels for you even without having to check constantly. I believe that love is also about compromise and understanding, never feeling alone or lost, working at things, talking and sharing your lives but also quietly smiling to yourself as you walk down the street or sit on the bus knowing that there is someone there to share it with. Love, like all good things in life, is worth fighting for and worth the attention you give it because it'll give it back tenfold.

I'm not quite sure where I was going when I started this post. Perhaps it's to share with you, whoever it may be who actually reads this thing, something very close to me or perhaps, to remind myself that this does exist and it's waiting for me out there somewhere: much like my lucky friend who has found it (and maybe doesn't even know it yet herself).