Wrote on a Bus, To You.

To A Man I Barely Knew,

It's such a funny thing to be writing in hindsight. At the time you met me, I was such a state. Such a beautiful mess - not the the aesthetic sense of beautiful but in the sense of a perfection of meaning. Had I known at the time just how rock bottom I had hit I would have understood how high my rebound had to be.

When I met you, I was wild and loose because that is how I needed to be to get myself out of bed each morning. To convince myself that it was worth going on. That I could - and would - love again. It was, in a sense, my quarter life crisis. (And there is every chance that a round 80 is all I'll get. Although I hope not)

You surprised me. And though every behaviour after fit into the horrid male stereotype us embittered women pin upon men, you have me hope for something better. I told you at the time I wear my heart on my sleeve. Still do. Though now I am much more cautious with who I show it to. In fact, now, I suppose I only share it with those whom I consider my best of friends. The beautiful women and men who are the glowing balls of light in my life.You see, and I'm sure, knowing you the way I think I do, you would understand - friends are like stars. Even in the brightness of day, they are There. Shining, ever-constant beacons of light showing me the way, clearing the darkness and guiding me home. My sky is the Milky Way. And though I rarely glimpse the stars in the city, I know they are there.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I think of you as one of those stars. Perhaps not a star in my constellation but one I have seen and continue to look for. Though it did not end the way I had hoped - before, I felt, it had even began - I still feel a certain... affection for you. I was not my best at that time and yet that is no excuse. I have nothing but fondness for you and I hope you remember me fondly too and think of me as I think of you.

It's funny how the most fleeting of moments can be so profound. It is in the quicksilver of your affection that I found my ability to give openly again and it is in your rejection that I found a way to give that love to my friends.


Yours,
The Girl With Stars In Her Hair.