Things People Don't Tell You

People give you a lot of advice, a lot of sound advice when you start Drama School (And trust me, those words deserve capitalisation). They tell you you'll love every minute. They tell you you'll work harder than you've ever worked. They tell you you won't have a life (and you won't). They tell you you'll cry, laugh and feel more achieved that you ever have before. But what they don't tell you - what they forget  - not willingly, but because it is the course of life - is to tell you about the loneliness. They forget to tell you about the everyday-ness. The emptiness. The nothingness.

Most days, I work until I'm exhausted then go home and sleep. Sometimes I text my friends, who I miss more than everything. But it's not the same as seeing them. Don't get me wrong, school is incredible. I'm busy every day working in and towards an industry I love. The actors are beautiful, gorgeous and vibrant people. As an ASM, it's both humbling and frustrating being at the bottom of the totem pole. I've been told to sit still and shut up, been told not to speak unless spoken to and to be as furniture. I've never worked like this before. Even before - Before. Before when I was free-spirited, carefree (as much as I can muster up carefree), before when I would walk into a show last minute and save the day, before when I could speak in a rehearsal room. I know this is a different place, a different hierarchy, a different time and I know I must adapt but at the same time stay true to myself. And it is this tension that frustrates me day to day. Moreso though, is the inability of those around me to understand. Surprisingly it is not the ones who are in this boat with me who understand, but the ones who are far away, the ones who I miss, the ones who I rare see or speak to, the ones who appear at times when I need them but tell myself I don't.

Outside of school though, my family is the closest thing to a social life that I have. I love them dearly and for the first time in many years - perhaps ever - we have learnt how to have fun with each other and enjoy each others' companies. Yet somehow, there's always this gap they cannot fill.

I miss company. Moreover, I miss the company of friends. Relationships and sex - while they cross my mind - barely register on my priority lists now. They're not what I think of, not what I need right now. My friends on the other hand? I need them more than I need air. I miss the highs and the lows. I miss the excitement and every day being different.

You see, the thing they don't tell you about Drama School is that every day is the same.
And if you can survive that sameness, you can survive anything.
Embrace Boredom.